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So there we were...

And I felt sad for you and your damaged heart.

Someday you will have soft cotten murmers and strong rooted love-of-country ideals.

But you might have to leave America.

Giving my body a break

Wed. night:   Met up with Jason. Paroosed around China town. Went shopping down town. Grabbed a Sparks. Ran into Rachel and crew. Got some forties. Went to Buckshot. Got trashed with Jason.

Thurs. night:   Work. Went to Sami's house in Pacifica. Got trashed with Sami and crew.

Fri. night:   Work. Ate delicious 'zza. Played Uno and Jenga. Got trashed with Lil' Bear.

Sat. night:   Shuffled around the apartment most of the day. Had a few beers on the roof with Shane. Went to Sparky's for happy hour. Stayed too long, went to Roger and Max's. Got trashed with Shane, Roger and Max.

Today...I don't feel as bad as I thought I would after four days of binge drinking.

please, be patient with me

 It's Saturday and I've been up since 5:30. 
I've had my first cup of coffee and I'm well into my second.
This past week has been wonderfully strange.


Life is happening really ridiculously fast right now.
I think I need to stop and remember me for a minute, but I'm not comfortable being alone just yet.
Since I'm not very keen on being by myself these days, I'm constantly out and about; bouncing from Jason's to Dustin's to far off on-foot excursions to mindless pointless errands that I make up for myself just to keep myself occupied.
I feel as though stopping will cause me to crumble... like the glue that keeps me together is activated by movement and being motionless might cause it to dry up and break apart.
This isn't necessarily a bad thing. After over a year of being a homebody, (much to my too-late realized dismay), I really need this burst of life and happenings and people and discovery.
I've learned more in the last few months about who I am and what I want and need, (in terms of relationship, life, work, etc.) than I have in several years now.

I do still have a lot of sorting out to do.

There are good things happening. They come easily now.
I haven't had a Sunday off in years...well, if I have, it's because I was sick and stayed home all day. But today I had a real live Sunday off!

I'm tellin' ya, I'm beginning to believe that Sunday is some secret magical holiday every week that people have been keeping from me! I've had such a relaxing day shopping and cooking and making things and reading and drawing and napping! Oh man...this day will be hard to top.
It's a very discouraging feeling to come up with a brilliant idea, only to discover it's already been done. Not only has it already been done, but it's been done by fucking Dolce & Gabbana!? Which of course makes me wonder if this idea of mine was wholly organic or did I see it somewhere before and forget about it until now. Which, in turn, makes me think that half of my ideas are really just forgotten admirations of things I've seen somewhere or other.

Blah, whatevs...back to the drawing board.

Happy Kitteen!

Oh little Stella!
Such a character...

pg&E drama

Yesterday was such a weird bad day.

I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst migraine I've had in years. I was getting up and puking every hour or so. There was so much pain and nausea that I couldn't even lay still. At one point in the morning I was stumbling back to bed from the bathroom and cut my little toe open on the foot of the bed. I called into work crying while nursing my bloody foot and fighting passing out.

I finally got rid of the headache for the most part but the uneasy stomach stayed with me all day. I was laying in bed all crusty and dying when there was a knock at the door. I looked through the peephole and saw a strange angry looking man on the other side. I decided to pretend not to be home. But he knocked again and again, each time harder and longer than the last. I frantically looked around the apartment for something to cover up with, as I was bra-less and yucky and in no condition for seeing anyone. I opened the door and the horror began. This man was from pg&e and claimed that he was here to turn off our power since it apparently hasnt been paid SINCE APRIL and when we moved in we never put the pg&e bill under our name. So I'm telling this guy it's not under my name because our utilities are included in our rent and our landlord takes care of the bills. This man was so fucking rude. He was shouting at me "OH HAHA, YOU WANT ME TO TURN YOUR POWER OFF RIGHT NOW AND PROVE IT TO YOU??!" He was smirking and telling me I was an idiot if I thought someone else was paying the bill. He made me call pg&e right there in front of him and switch the bill to my name, leaving me with a huge bill worth 6 months of electricity plus a $40 deposit and some service fees.

After much abuse from this man he finally leaves acting like he's taught me some lesson against trying to 'beat the system'. So I call Denis right away and tell him what happened and he called our landlord and the landlord calls me and says that the bill IS under his name and he HAS been paying our pg&e. Duh.

Landlord calls the bank and finds out his credit card he uses for automatic bill pay has been expired since April so the bills havent actually been paid in months. Then he calls pg&e and tries to pay my bill but they wont let him since the account is now under MY name and only I can pay it. I'm still trying to figure this one out.

The bottom line is, this man from pg&e belittled me, treated me like I was lying to him to get out of paying the bill and was completely unprofessional and intrusive. I've become very sensitive recently to being abused by people like this, and the whole time he was here I was on the verge of tears. In the end, I turned out to be the right one and he wasnt even here so I could tell him off.

The rest of my day was shitty needless to say. I have the day off and I'm hoping for a serious turn of events. I'm going to the store then I'm coming home and doing some major cooking and cleaning!

You'd only make the softest sound

like sugar pouring into tea.


This afternoon I attended my longevity lunch for Crate & Barrel. For those of you that don't know, this is something you attend every 5 years that you've been with the company. Amazingly, this year has marked my fifth year with Crate. It's been a love and hate roller coaster but after going to this 5 year event, some of my feelings came to a surprising surface.

A lot of people cried this afternoon while honoring others that have worked their way up the Crate ladder over 5, 10, 15, 20 and even 25 years. I never thought about being with one company for that long. I don't plan to be at Crate in the next year even, but the fact that some people find a loving and satisfying home there makes me love the company all the more.

I have to say that any of my complaints of Crate (besides my pay-rate) have nothing to do with the company as a whole. They're all complaints of customers. It's really the only downfall. I can't blame the beloved Gordon Seagal for this. I hate going to work most days, I hate the thought that I've been there so long most days...but all in all, Crate has saved my life (literally) time and time again and this afternoon just solidified that notion.

Sure, the free-flowing booze might have influenced my experience today, but I know deep down that I'm thankful, and rightfully should be. I can only hope that the restaurant business will be this good to me in the near future.